Note: Cybersecurity is a major part of my life, however, it’s just a part. Below are some thoughts penned down related to other aspects of life.
What comfort did it bring my 8year old self to lie in your lap, that 20 years later I still crave to do that the minute I come home? No matter how your day has been. No matter if you’re on the phone or on the computer. I still claim your lap to be my headrest.
What joy did it bring my 6year old self to watch Cartoons with you, that 22 years later I still share the latest updates of Disney remakes with you? No matter how your day has been. No matter if you’re on the phone or on the computer. I still claim your ears to be my microphone.
What spark did it bring my 4year old self to ride the train with you, that 24 years later I still share selfies from every bus, train, taxi I take? No matter how your day has been. No matter if you’re on the phone or on the computer. I still claim your eyes to be my mirror.
And perhaps I always will, Paa
Kissi ka sunne mein
kissi ko sanane mein
hum khud bit rahe hai,
Kissi ka pyaar lene mein
kisi ko pyaar dene mein
hum khud bikh rahe hai,
Jo barso beet gaya
woh nazar aata hai,
jo aaj khaya woh kahan pach paata hai,
Jo dur hai, uski yaad aati hai
jo nazdik hai unki awaaz kho jaati hai,
Yeh jo karvatein hai zindagi ke,
woh dekhne dikhane mein
hum khud kaha jee paatein hai?
** Roughly translated into English **
Somewhere between being forced & forcing someone, I’m being torn,
Somewhere between being loved & loving someone, I’m being sold,
Something that happened years ago, is seen with clarity, yet today’s food isn’t even digested properly,
Someone what is far is remembered dearly, someone who is close isn’t even heard properly,
Too busy seeing & showing these twists and turns of life, where do we even get a chance to live?
As the red sky foreshadows the imminent drops of water from the sky, these red veins indicate drops from the soul. These powerful salt bubbles that have the ability to reveal inner secrets. Secrets that this tongue dare not reveal. The bubbles arise with such rigor like a starving Bull who comes out to the arena. The bubbles streak down the left cheek with such passion, like the ferocious Bull fights against the matador’s cape. Following the bubbles, old memories, poignant thoughts, and suppressed feelings too rise up & rebel against my calm exterior. These bubbles are never invited, rather they gatecrash and overflow not only my eyes and heart but also the corner of my sleeve as I repeatedly attempt to wipe away their trails. Soon the rain stops; the memories, thoughts and feelings are once again caged in my inner core. My lips part a sigh of relief as I look into the mirror to bid farewell to these salt bubbles not knowing when the red veins will indicate their arrival next.
The one syllable that can instantly connect me to my ancestral roots.
The one sound that orchestrates a wave of unconditional love within me – no matter how stormy the weather gets.
My eyes close and I’m immediately transported into our safe place. The imaginary shelter that you brought to life with the fairytale ending that hinted of a new beginning.
Outsider’s bitter words silenced with your sweet breath. Their angry faces blurred with your pacifying kisses. Those cold hearts distanced with your warm embrace.
That nostalgic smell of incense mixed with all the masalas of our kitchen comes to mind as saliva accrues in my mouth, anticipating my favorite dish on the stovetop. The faded colors of our curtains seem to be extra vibrant in my mind as I turn around to find you. A peaceful smile gets etched on my mind, body and soul as I hear you respond, “Ha, Beta.”
where the heaven dwells,
Small speck in the dust melts,
I and U
the letters fell
coming together as U and S
the vibe so strongly bound
the tribe so strangely expound
What to say when the other says it all
Where to hide when the other sees it all
No trace left
Yet the mark left
Small speck we said
In the dust we said.
I am at that stage & phase where society can brazenly question my ‘single’ status. Not only question but it is now a problem they must take into their own hands.
“What kind of partner do you want?”
“If he isn’t from 🇮🇳, how will you teach your kids to love the culture?”
“If you earn too much, how will you ever find a good match?“
“But you mustn’t quit your job either, men these days want a working girl”
“Who will He be?” asked my friend.
“Well who do you want him to be” she persisted.
A mirror, I said.
Their puzzled looks almost made me chuckle, but I dared not.
Like a mirror, untouched. In the digital landscape of zoom backgrounds & insta filters, we still use mirrors to clean our faces. May he be the one who shows me reality – our reality which is more beautiful than the most creative background or filter simply because it’s untouched.
Like a mirror, stained. Relationships can get messy when you’re on a roller coaster called Life. Not all these stains may go away with Windex. May he be willing to put in the energy & effort to maintain – our house, our relationship, our family no matter how stained.
Like a mirror, supersized. A well known trick to make a small room feel bigger is to place mirrors. May he help make our lives mean something bigger – an amplified global impact with a heart that is equally supersized.